Shut that door!

To close the door or leave it open, That is the question! My customers are obsessed with our stores front door.I hooked it open today despite the biting chill that crawled its Icy tendrils around the ankles before starting to devour our toes and nearly every customer that came in tried to yank the door shut, even though it had clearly been open when they entered. "Do you want this door closed" they asked in that tone of Voice that so clearly conveys their disapproval, before I explain that the door is open because it sticks in damp weather and when we close it, many of our clientele seem to find the closed door a bit of a puzzle and don't bother coming in. This explanation is met with much lip pursing and Hmmmming, of course it is blatantly clear that My staff and I are making this up, we obviously keep it open because we enjoy the feeling of a cold wind biting at our Bums and look forward to the day when our fingers drop off from Frost bite! Their helpful suggestions? You really should turn the heaters off if you are going to let all the warmth out,You should close it, have you not heard about the Ozone?
Finally by Mid morning when it was on the tip of my tongue to tell them to mind their own damn business I gave in to public pressure. Carefully a bumper was hung between the inside and out side door Knobs to prevent the door sticking and I boldly unhooked the door. A soft thud as it slowly swung shut and almost instantly a warm glow wafted across the store as the cosy heat from the over door blower shared itself instead of heating the high street. Almost immediately the front door slowly opened a crack and Gingerly a mitten clad hand grasped its edge as it opened further. A cold breeze whipped in as a chilled, woolly hatted head poked around the door. Are you open? this lady enquired as she gazed around at the staff and customers inside the shop.
Well just for a moment I thought I had been possessed by Victor Meldrew because all I could hear as I gazed at her in disbelief was "I don't believe it!" My colleague must have seen that a long stream of expletives could quite possibly explode from my lips at any moment and quickly chipped in. "Oh yes, just keeping the heat in". The customer looked puzzled, was this some kind of Indiana Jones style trap and would an avalanche of assorted potpourri and lamp shades be triggered as she set foot on the door mat? Would red lights flash and sirens wail if she broke the infra red beam as she approached the fashion dept. Is it really so bloody strange to find a door pushed too on a very cold, snowy, Monday morning when the lights are all on and piped, really bad, music is playing? NO!!!
Why do us Brit's seem to find it necessary to state the obvious.
"Your letting the heat out" Really? I thought it would know to stay in when it is so cold out.
"It would stay warmer in here if you shut the door" When did you get your PHD in home insulation?
It stayed pretty much the same all day and in the interests of equality I should say the Women where almost as bad as the men and I am sure the foreign visitors where saying pretty much the same thing, if only they where speaking English!!!!
Goodness me I feel better for a rant.It always seem to be the little things that get you going doesn't it? Still -10 forecast for tomorrow I look forward to my impending education regarding the future of the planet and our part in its demise v the age old problem of when best to keep it shut!