Saturday, 1 January 2011

I Just don't get it!

How do you make yourself feel Christmas? I have failed miserably this year! I am so disappointed, I feel like I have been swindled out of the good cheer that seems to be a must have feeling that every one around me seems to have, or do they? I have watched jealously as people reveled in all the Tatt and tinsel that goes with the season of good will these days and wonder. Why dont I feel it?
It is at times like this that I really question the benefits of having a personal moral code for it is this that gets in between me and Christmas. To me Christmas is remembering the birth of Jesus, it's his Birthday party after all, and the trouble is I don't think I really believe. Oh yes there certainly was a Jesus, The son of god hmmmmmmm........ not so sure. Well that's OK, I can be happy to celebrate the Birthday of some strange bloke born in Bethlehem hundreds of years ago.
So that's belief out the window.
Now the presents, you see I always thought they where supposed to be symbolic of the gifts delivered by Three Wise Men who traipsed across the desert following a star? I get the feeling these days they are more symbolic of the Deadly sin "Avarice". The need for Gifts given and received seems to far outweigh any thought of the baby Jesus or the Very long journey those kings must have made and the faith they must have had to follow a bright star, I often see bright lights in the sky but have never felt the urge to follow them on the off chance there may be some special sign being sent to me.So what made them do it?
So that's faith swiftly following beliefs swift departure.
Now Turkey,chocolates, pudding, booze, more chocolate, the list of treats we must now indulge in if we are to have Christmas is endless. How did this Gluttony find its way in? ahhhh another deadly sin! This is where maybe I start to weaken a little as I have a soft spot for all of the above.
I am starting to see the issue clearer now. We have been lured into all these extra temptations in the name of a maybe slightly confused, but very kind bloke, born in a far off land, a very long time ago.
( I would say thank God, but that would indicate that I believe which I don't think I do, so I shan't!)
Well that would be OK, i could really go for that if the Personal code didn't keep getting in my way. It makes me sad that so many people are being swept along to the party and don't really know who the birthday boy is. It just feels a bit hypocritical doesn't it? Would Jesus have wanted this? I just can't seem to reconcile this in my head, Christmas makes me feel sad and sometimes lonely. I don't like Christmas, there I have said it.
Today is new years day and i need to get this off my chest. I feel grateful that I have food on my table but guilt that we waste so much.Grateful that I have been tucked up in doors when so many are cold or homeless or both. Grateful that I have family, but miss those who I do not see as often as I would like and those i will never spend Christmas with again.I feel ashamed that I am whingeing when I have so much and so many have so little and it always feels worse at Christmas. And lastly I envy, there we go I am sure that must be another sin, all those who either believe or enjoy Christmas.
I have just read this back, what a miserable woman I sound, how did I get confused? Does anyone else feel like this?
The one thing I would like for myself in 2011 is..........? Is there a way to let myself join the party with a clear conscience? I am going to search for it before next Christmas or maybe i shall just have to celebrate something else on 25/12/2011.
PS. I am open to suggestions X


  1. Mmmm
    Christmas for me used to be about the children. Putting glitter on the stairs for them to believe Santa really did come up them. Biting a manky old carrot to look like a reindeer ate them...that was the fun of Xmas. But now they are all grown up and I found myself alone with my husband and a bit miserable about the whole day. My niece didn't even know what Xmas was about when I asked her and she is 23. So I decided to change how I felt. After all, life is what you make it, isn't it? St Nicholas, who was he? Does anyone realize that his day is December the 6th?? NOT Christmas day! Parties may be held on the eve, December 5th, and shoes or stockings left for St. Nicholas to fill during the night. But his gifts were meant to be shared, not hoarded for oneself. Through the centuries St. Nicholas has continued to be venerated by Catholics and Orthodox and honored by Protestants. By his example of generosity to those in need, especially children, St. Nicholas is a model for the compassionate life. How did I celebrate Christmas? I brought the pens and pencils a student needed in Africa to carry on with his studies. A simple, inexpensive gift, that helped him in ways that we, in the modern world, can never understand. I helped an old lady in the car park who didn't have enough change for her ticket. Her shocked expression that I just GAVE her a pound coin made me sad. Her wide smile and thanks afterwards made my day. A small gesture. These small things allow me enjoy my life. Christmas should be that one day we don't cross the street to avoid a begger, we give to a charity, we help others. Is that so hard?? My Christmas day was filled with laughter from those who would have been home alone. My daughters friend, fostered at birth and now alone at 18 had nowhere to go. She cried so hard down the phone I heard her in another chair. Tell her to come to us, I said and my husband and daughter rushed out Xmas eve to raid tesco for a few presents for her. She was going to wrap her own things to make it look like she had presents on the day. That brought a huge lump to my throat. My friend, who lives alone, came along to. He got a few things from us that he probably didn't need. But his enjoyment when he opened the present was my gift. My niece cried and said it was the best Xmas she had ever had..why...because no one was falling over drunk and causing fights like she was used to at home. Small things make Christmas worthwhile. The fact my husband is still with me, even though he is quite ill, what a present!! You can't buy that sort of pleassure. Stop for just a moment and think...who can I help today. A word, a smile, a small gesture... They are free...yet mean the world to others. Now some might say...oh gawd...she's a bible the world...god helps those who helps themselves!! I wonder who made that phrase up. Someone who helped a stranger, or a thief who stole that strangers purse??

    How did this all get confused with the birth of Jesus?
    Maybe it doesn't feel right to some because somewhere deep inside they know that the day is wrongly celebrated. December 25th is the birth of Christ a time to ponder and think about our lives and what we have to be grateful for. It's not the time for expensive gifts and stuffing your face. Is there a god? I don't know. I believe there is something. A universal energy. Is it a person...I think not. But let each person believe what they will. It doesn't matter as long as we remember what the day is supposed to represent.  The birth of someone deemed very special.

  2. That could only come from you mags! Simple words with a huge meaning. The lives you touch, albeit breifly sometimes, leave a lasting impression.

  3. Pwew, thats a loooong comment Margaret. Lol Well said and I can also agree with carole's sentiments. People have long forgotten what Christmas is all about.
    A sad but true fact.

  4. She didn't mention the fact she cooked another xmas dinner for her sisters family boxing day, because they were up the hospital all day with a sick baby, or her xmas eve was spent in a hospice helping out with parties OR she donated nearly £3000 pounds of her spiritual money to help a hero ANONAMOUSLY...when i wanted a new computer lol

  5. sorry carole, my husbands out of control, he's had a shandy and has got brave!!!! can you delete his random comment and I'll ban him from blogging lol

  6. I think the problem for a lot of us sis, me included, is that christmas time has been taken over by consumerism. It`s the best excuse to sell us stuff that we dont need or wouldnt normally by and we are bombarded with adverts telling us what our christmas should be like, what ever way we turn our heads. I can remember christmases past were most of my presants were secound hand but i was glad to have them, because theve had some thought put in to there bying. I try to do the same but dare not voice this fact out loud to the reciever. I also believe that there is some truth in the festive season being turned into a desease called nostalger. A compelling need, in dark times to look back at past christmases and think that they were all rose coloured. How in all the films and shows, we see this idea of perfection and are brainwashed into thinking that if our christmas is not like this then we are not normal. I for one think that the answer is to go back to the begining, when we had no exspectation and enjoyed the simple things in life, just the fact that we are warm and breathing and fed should be enough. I try hard to remind myself of this but somtimes there is so much negative clouding my mind. I think that perhaps the modern day world that we know is spoilt. Perhaps John Lennon was right aye, "All you need is love", plenty here for you if you need it. I have loads to go around.

  7. i know your all right in your way but I just want to feel something , I used to but I dont anymore!