Falling Down 1.

Funny old thing Falling down, if you do it often enough, which I do you don't seem to hurt yourself. I watched Miranda Hart on the Jonathan Ross show tonight demonstrating her skill at the comedy fall and was reminded of the many laughs I have had while falling A**e over t*t.

Over the years I seem to have made a habit of falling over. One minute I am walking along chatting ( sober I might add) and the next I am on the floor. Where it not for the fact that my falling is accompanied by sound affects I am sure my companions would just carry on walking leaving me un-noticed lying on the floor.
I have to date fallen over a crack in the pavement, My own feet and a small pebble. I have while on a weekend break to Bath with friends skated down a field loosing all the loose change in my pocket and landed in a cow pat, Hubby and friends, Jenny and Eddy, could hardly stop laughing long enough to help me up.
Whilst walking home from Our Local Indian Take away I Managed to trip over a puddle, practically somersaulted before hitting the deck, accompanied by my traditional ooooooooo! and ended up seated on the pavement while hubby picked up both myself and our Curry supper, both remarkably in one piece.
While walking home from work with my friend I have fallen so many times that tonight when I stopped to rearrange my bag with a small ooh Sarah automatically whipped round expecting to find me on the floor.
I am not sure how I end up on the floor, funny knees, weak ankles, problems with my ears or just plain top heavy but I just cant stay on my feet. I think that maybe I too have turned falling down into an art form.
Luckily, thanks to my teenage judo classes I am sure, I have learnt to roll.

New Dog in da House.

I can see right up your nose from here.

How can she resist me.

We have a new Lodger, we were asked by an old friend to home Jade, a one year old Stafford Girl. After some deliberation we decided to bring her home on a weeks trial to see how she got on with Monty. A big mistake, she is adorable. She was at first very nervy, growling at poor Monty every time he moved, but he calmly rerouted where possible and continued to be his usual good-natured self. Now one week on she has helped herself to his bed, his toys, his food bowl and anything else he once considered his own and they now seem to be joined at the hip. I think they will be good house mates.

Looking Guilty? Just demolished the rug.

Jade must now be Spayed as soon as possible as the last thing we need is puppy's, which has set me thinking maybe the way forward in dog protection is a fund to neuter  bitches or possibly pay people to have their Bitches  spayed? This would reduce considerably the number of unwanted pups looking for homes and increase the chance of finding loving homes for older Dogs. To have Jade spayed is a huge expense and I am sure an unaffordable one for many people it will be a stretch for us. I am sure many people who take on a cute little girl puppy even think ahead to the day when she will be mature and have no idea how determined to be mated they can be. Each day I receive a list of homeless, desperate  dogs from  http://www.dogsblog.com/  I am sure that Doggy  Birth control is the answer. I have searched the Internet and can find many charity's that help with vet costs but all stop at neutering, why?

Huston, I think We have a Problem.

Poor Doris had a prolapse, in layman's terms her bum fell out!
I let the hens out of the coop for a run and her bits had fallen out of her vent. My first reaction was oh my god, what on earth is that because she had  a swelling the size of a Golf ball hanging out of her. Ahhhhh the internet must have the answer? After much surfing I came across http://littlehenrescue.co.uk/after.aspx and this seemed to have all the instructions I needed.
Admittedly I was a bit short on some of the Materials
*Flexiguard bandage (equestrian product), or any bandage that sticks to itself and has elastic material? Nope but I do have a crepe Bandage and a safety pin
*Haemorrhoid cream, thats ok big tube of Preperation H upstairs
*Surgical pad? Oh dear, Sadly I seem to have a rather inadequate first aid kit. But… i do have a panty Liner.
*Surgical gloves? luckily I am good at improvising so one of the dogs poo bags worn over my hand will have to do.   Right equipment gathered, what next. It seems I must stick my finger in Poor Doris and poke her prolapse in. OOOOOH I am not sure I can do this,but what are the alternatives? Another hefty Vet bill or Wring her neck? Not sure I can do this either, so back to the internet. After some lengthy research and having read many smallholders forums it would seem that this is not an  uncommon event in the chicken world and  many have home helped their hens.
Don't worry Doris I will be very gentle.
So there  I was, Knelt on the lawn on an unseasonably Warm October day.Hen between my Knees with its head up my skirt so she doesn't struggle, Poo bag, generously lubricated with the preparation H on Hand with Nurse Monty happily leaping around eager to assist.                                                                         Right, Gently push the prolapse back in inserting your finger a few centimetres. I took a deep breath and went for it,. Doris wriggled a bit but actually it wasn't too bad, nowhere near as gruesome as i had expected. Doris did her damdest to push both the lump and my finger back out which was a bit weird, but I began to feel quite confident that I could do this, but every time I took my finger out the prolapse came back out.
Back to the little Hen instructions, if only I had fully read these in the first place. Push it in then hold the vent closed for five minutes.
OK back in the kneel, Chicken, Skirt formation, I poke Poor Doris's  bits back inside her and hold closed the vent, Which from this position I can only describe as looking like A female Chicken Foreskin, if you get the picture? Stage two requires that I put more Ointment on the pad hold it in place over the vent while securely bandaging it in place so that the prolapse is unable to escape. This, the web site suggests is a four handed procedure, I unfortunately only have Two and a very unhelpful Canine Nurse. Now as anyone who has tried it will tell you, Bandaging a chicken is not easy. The Bandage unravelled all over the place, Doris was doing her Squawking best to escape my clutches and me two hands short when Nurse Monty decides to chase an imaginary cat out of the Garden, pulls a muscle in his leg and Joins the cacophony, Yelping and squealing in pain. Summoning as calm a voice as I could manage I persuaded him to lay down until I could get to him. Having secured Doris’s  truss with a big safety pin I stood back and couldn't help but giggle as she staggered about in her new Pants! It Would seem that without Her wings for balance she cant stand properly and every few steps resulted in her laying on her side unable to get back up. For her own Protection I put her in a Big Cardboard box and the next Morning took off her bandages in case she needed to lay an egg. Not quite healed but improved we kept her on her own for the day in case the other, somewhat brutal hens, decided to peck at her. Any wound or scratch seems to be fare game to them.
I am now pleased to report that after a repeat procedure the next night Doris is now Fixed! Monty is still Nursing a sprained leg as he will Not stop charging about, but now is on a course of very expensive anti-inflammatory  stuff from the Vet.
Today I am a Chicken Fixer!

		Doris, Betty and Marilyn VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL