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Received an award from the talented http://margaret-paranormalromanceauthor.blogspot.com/2011/06/award.html But it comes at a price, I must tell you seven random facts about myself.
I love Baking.
I have the radio on at night to help me sleep.
I eat far to much.
I love to sing, to myself, to others, any time any place anywhere.
I have small hands and feet.
I hate Marmite and celery.
Would love to be in a band.
Please pass this award on to other bloggers and please take time to visit those that I have chosen.
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
Sunday, 3 April 2011
Restless Ramblings of a Menopausal Child.
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| Aim Higher |
Today has been a little how i feel, not quite anything, mild but not warm, bright but not sunny, nice but not great!Today i feel so restless, like I am on the verge of something that refuses to reveal itself. Like the secret of life is just out of reach, teasing me as it dances around on the edge of my consciousness. If I had any sense I would go and find something to do and stop pushing for the answer because this soul searching makes me miserable, but I can't.
This leads me to ask my self the usual boring question "why can't I feel content"? I wish I knew what it was that I feel is missing. Does anyone else understand this? I have had a really nice weekend, a family meal for my Birthday, it was great to have my husband, sons and brothers around me as well as their family's.Mothers day has been remembered by both of my sons but still I feel unfulfilled. I have some great people and things in my life but I am certain that there is something more for me.I want More! if only i could work out what I want more of.
But part of me does know if I am honest.I shall write a list and hope I don't shame myself.I am 51 now and I want to be adored, my husband loves me I know, but adore me? He must be driven insane by my neediness and searching for excitement. I want to be adored, I want to feel that sense of desperate wanting, when you cant wait to see someone, that I felt when we first met 34 years ago.
I am 51 now and I want to be needed, I want to be the centre of someones life, my sons still need me a bit but not like when they where children with cuddles and laughter on tap. In those days i felt part of something not like i was circling around the edge of someone Else's life.
I am 51 now and my Mum is ill and probably wont be around for much longer now. My mum always made me feel special. My mum always had the answer to all of life's problems, where will I go for that unconditional comfort when she is gone.
I am 51 now and My Mum is ill. She is scared and unsure of what is ahead of her, she asks me for reassurance that she has not commited a sin that will prevent her going to heaven. I am sure she hasn't, she is a kind loving woman, but I am not sure about the heaven bit. What do I tell her? I try to tell her that she has nothing to fear but even in her muddled state of mind I,m not sure she is convinced and wish I could say more. She needs me to say more, she would know what to do where the roles reversed.
I am 51 now and feel I should do something that matters.Climb a mountain! sail a tall ship! join a silent order! Sing with a band! Write a song! Feed the world! Find God!Care for orphans in a far off land!Get in my car and drive until I run out of road! Scream until I run out of breath!
I am 51 now. Would somebody please tell me what to do? In return I will do my best to map read when you get lost.
Does any one else feel like this or is it just the Menopause, I do hope it is just the big M because I am driving myself mad with this and am well aware that I am becoming a self pitying bore. Sorry.
HELP!!! Tuesday, 15 February 2011
Good dog Bad dog?
I Love My Dog Monty! I only need look at him and he makes me smile, which I know probably makes me a bit of a saddo or one of those crazy dog loving old ladies in the making but hey what does a crazy menopausal old woman care. Monty, a Staffordshire bull terrier of dubious pedigree, was born on 14th February 2009, a valentine puppy and I am certain he was born to be loved. He has such a joy for life it is contagious and I can’t help but feel happy around him. Monty has been my salvation through some of the difficult times I have already written about. I took every chance I got to pound the streets training him when I needed to escape "normal life" and it always gave me the strength I needed to face things again. You hear of people self harming, starving themselves and turning to drink trying to gain some control over their runaway lives, well I turned to dog walking.
Staffs get allot of bad press these days and I expect you get bad tempered dogs just as you get bad tempered people, but I have never met one, yet! Some very lively staffs and some very naughty ones but never a bad one. I have however met some very bad owners and read about some even worse. Why would anyone encourage a dog to do wrong, using such a warm hearted creature like a loaded weapon?
One particular Man that springs to mind was convinced his dog was half lion, yes we all know that is insane, and boasted of his control over his dogs. Well yes he did have control over his dogs; they were very well trained, by beating seven barrels out of them he boasted. I was never witness to this cruelty and I can assure you it would not have gone unchecked if I had but such is the heart of these Staffies they still seemed to adore him?
Well back to Monty. He is very naughty, pinches the socks and won’t give them back until you chase him. I have caught him down the garden with a mouth full of feathers when he thinks I can’t see him "playing" with the chickens. He howls like a Banshee when I leave him outside the shop and now whinges almost as much when I take him in with me. He snores like a train and there is no way he will let me cut his nails. But this weekend he has been a star. Monty has had company for the weekend Kelly and Karl, their 4 year old daughter Scarlett and Doggy "Boo" came to stay, usually there is just hubby and I. A full house. Now anyone who owns a Staff knows that there is nothing they like better than a game of Tug -of -war, to be honest we usually try to discourage it, but visitors like to play so when Karl took up the challenge we knew he couldn’t win but let the contest commence. Monty with his usual enthusiasm was determined not to be bested and held on with all his might, in a very good natured way of course. But then Scarlett wanted to play, ok says her dad but he will pull you over, Oh no! I thought he will pull you over, oh no! Thought hubby this will end in tears he will pull her over. The tugger was retrieved and Monty was instructed "gently" I held my breath convinced that Scarlett was about to be yanked off her feet.......and then Monty did the most amazing thing, having taken up his end of the tugger he lay down, rolled over onto his side and let Scarlett Drag him around the living room floor over and over again. I couldn’t believe my eyes, some how he just knew she was a baby and what he had to do to let her join in. Well done Monty you are a star! Now I know why they call them Nanny Dogs. We have kept Staffies for 25 years and I have never seen anything quite like that. So Staff haters take note and remember most dogs are born with a good heart but rely on the owners to teach them good manners, Punish Them not the dogs please.
Dangerouse Dogs
I Love My Dog Monty! I only need look at him and he makes me smile, which i know probably makes me a bit of a saddo or one of those crazy dog loving old ladies in the making but hey what does a crazy menopausal old woman care.
Monty, a Staffordshire Bull Terrier of dubiouse pedigree, was born on 14th February 2009, a valentine puppy and I am certain he was born to be loved. He has such a joy for life it is contagiouse and i cant help but feel happy around him. Monty has been my salvation through some of the difficult times i have already writen about. I took every chance i got to pound the streets training him when I needed to escape "normal life" and it always gave me the strength i needed to face things again. You hear of people self harming, starving themselves and turning to drink trying to gain some control over their runaway lives, well i turned to dog walking.
Staffys get alot of bad press these days and i expect you get bad tempered dogs just as you get bad temperd people, but i have never met one, yet! Some very lively staffys and some very naughty ones but never a bad one. I have however met some very bad owners and read about some even worse. Why would anyone encourage a dog to do wrong, using such a warm hearted creature like a loaded weapon?
One particular Man that springs to mind was convinced his dog was half lion, yes We all know that is insane, and boasted of his control over his dogs. Well yes he did have control over his dogs, they where very well trained, by beating seven barrels out of them he boasted. I was never witness to this cruelty and i can assure you it would not have gone unchecked if i had but such is the heart of these Staffies they still seemed to adore him?
Well back to Monty. He is very naughty, pinches the socks and wont give them back untill you chase him. I have caught him down the garden with a mouth full of feathers when he thinks i cant see him "playing" with the chickens. He Howls like a Banshee when I leave him outside the shop, and now winges almost as much when I take him in with me. He snores like a train and there is no way he will let me cut his nails. But this weekend he has been a star. Monty has had company for the weekend Kelly and Karl ,their 4 year old daughter Scarlett and Doggy "Boo"came to stay, usually there is just hubby and I. A full house. Now anyone who owns a Staff knows that there is nothing they like better than a game of Tug -of -war,to be honest we usually try to discourage it, but visitors like to play so when Karl took up the challenge we knew he couldnt win but let the contest comence.Monty with his usual enthusiasm was determined not to be bested and held on with all his might, in a very good natured way of course. But then Scarlett wanted to play, ok says her dad but he will pull you over, Oh no! ithought he will pull you over, oh no! thought hubby this will end in tears he will pull her over. The tugger was retrieved and Monty was instructed "gently" I held my breath convinced that scarlett was about to be yanked off her feet.......and then Monty did the most amazing thing, having taken up his end of the tugger he lay down, rolled over onto his side and let Scarlett Drag him around the living room floor over and over again. I couldnt believe my eyes, some how he just knew she was a baby and what he had to do to let her join in. Well done Monty you are a star! Now I know why they call them Nanny Dogs. We have kept Staffies for 25 years and i have never seen anything quite like that. So Staff haters take note and remember most dogs are born with a good heart but rely on the owners to teach them good manners, Punnish Them not the dogs please.
Monty, a Staffordshire Bull Terrier of dubiouse pedigree, was born on 14th February 2009, a valentine puppy and I am certain he was born to be loved. He has such a joy for life it is contagiouse and i cant help but feel happy around him. Monty has been my salvation through some of the difficult times i have already writen about. I took every chance i got to pound the streets training him when I needed to escape "normal life" and it always gave me the strength i needed to face things again. You hear of people self harming, starving themselves and turning to drink trying to gain some control over their runaway lives, well i turned to dog walking.
Staffys get alot of bad press these days and i expect you get bad tempered dogs just as you get bad temperd people, but i have never met one, yet! Some very lively staffys and some very naughty ones but never a bad one. I have however met some very bad owners and read about some even worse. Why would anyone encourage a dog to do wrong, using such a warm hearted creature like a loaded weapon?
One particular Man that springs to mind was convinced his dog was half lion, yes We all know that is insane, and boasted of his control over his dogs. Well yes he did have control over his dogs, they where very well trained, by beating seven barrels out of them he boasted. I was never witness to this cruelty and i can assure you it would not have gone unchecked if i had but such is the heart of these Staffies they still seemed to adore him?
Well back to Monty. He is very naughty, pinches the socks and wont give them back untill you chase him. I have caught him down the garden with a mouth full of feathers when he thinks i cant see him "playing" with the chickens. He Howls like a Banshee when I leave him outside the shop, and now winges almost as much when I take him in with me. He snores like a train and there is no way he will let me cut his nails. But this weekend he has been a star. Monty has had company for the weekend Kelly and Karl ,their 4 year old daughter Scarlett and Doggy "Boo"came to stay, usually there is just hubby and I. A full house. Now anyone who owns a Staff knows that there is nothing they like better than a game of Tug -of -war,to be honest we usually try to discourage it, but visitors like to play so when Karl took up the challenge we knew he couldnt win but let the contest comence.Monty with his usual enthusiasm was determined not to be bested and held on with all his might, in a very good natured way of course. But then Scarlett wanted to play, ok says her dad but he will pull you over, Oh no! ithought he will pull you over, oh no! thought hubby this will end in tears he will pull her over. The tugger was retrieved and Monty was instructed "gently" I held my breath convinced that scarlett was about to be yanked off her feet.......and then Monty did the most amazing thing, having taken up his end of the tugger he lay down, rolled over onto his side and let Scarlett Drag him around the living room floor over and over again. I couldnt believe my eyes, some how he just knew she was a baby and what he had to do to let her join in. Well done Monty you are a star! Now I know why they call them Nanny Dogs. We have kept Staffies for 25 years and i have never seen anything quite like that. So Staff haters take note and remember most dogs are born with a good heart but rely on the owners to teach them good manners, Punnish Them not the dogs please.
Thursday, 6 January 2011
Saturday, 1 January 2011
I Just don't get it!
How do you make yourself feel Christmas? I have failed miserably this year! I am so disappointed, I feel like I have been swindled out of the good cheer that seems to be a must have feeling that every one around me seems to have, or do they? I have watched jealously as people reveled in all the Tatt and tinsel that goes with the season of good will these days and wonder. Why dont I feel it?
It is at times like this that I really question the benefits of having a personal moral code for it is this that gets in between me and Christmas. To me Christmas is remembering the birth of Jesus, it's his Birthday party after all, and the trouble is I don't think I really believe. Oh yes there certainly was a Jesus, The son of god hmmmmmmm........ not so sure. Well that's OK, I can be happy to celebrate the Birthday of some strange bloke born in Bethlehem hundreds of years ago.
So that's belief out the window.
Now the presents, you see I always thought they where supposed to be symbolic of the gifts delivered by Three Wise Men who traipsed across the desert following a star? I get the feeling these days they are more symbolic of the Deadly sin "Avarice". The need for Gifts given and received seems to far outweigh any thought of the baby Jesus or the Very long journey those kings must have made and the faith they must have had to follow a bright star, I often see bright lights in the sky but have never felt the urge to follow them on the off chance there may be some special sign being sent to me.So what made them do it?
So that's faith swiftly following beliefs swift departure.
Now Turkey,chocolates, pudding, booze, more chocolate, the list of treats we must now indulge in if we are to have Christmas is endless. How did this Gluttony find its way in? ahhhh another deadly sin! This is where maybe I start to weaken a little as I have a soft spot for all of the above.
I am starting to see the issue clearer now. We have been lured into all these extra temptations in the name of a maybe slightly confused, but very kind bloke, born in a far off land, a very long time ago.
( I would say thank God, but that would indicate that I believe which I don't think I do, so I shan't!)
Well that would be OK, i could really go for that if the Personal code didn't keep getting in my way. It makes me sad that so many people are being swept along to the party and don't really know who the birthday boy is. It just feels a bit hypocritical doesn't it? Would Jesus have wanted this? I just can't seem to reconcile this in my head, Christmas makes me feel sad and sometimes lonely. I don't like Christmas, there I have said it.
Today is new years day and i need to get this off my chest. I feel grateful that I have food on my table but guilt that we waste so much.Grateful that I have been tucked up in doors when so many are cold or homeless or both. Grateful that I have family, but miss those who I do not see as often as I would like and those i will never spend Christmas with again.I feel ashamed that I am whingeing when I have so much and so many have so little and it always feels worse at Christmas. And lastly I envy, there we go I am sure that must be another sin, all those who either believe or enjoy Christmas.
I have just read this back, what a miserable woman I sound, how did I get confused? Does anyone else feel like this?
The one thing I would like for myself in 2011 is..........? Is there a way to let myself join the party with a clear conscience? I am going to search for it before next Christmas or maybe i shall just have to celebrate something else on 25/12/2011.
PS. I am open to suggestions X
It is at times like this that I really question the benefits of having a personal moral code for it is this that gets in between me and Christmas. To me Christmas is remembering the birth of Jesus, it's his Birthday party after all, and the trouble is I don't think I really believe. Oh yes there certainly was a Jesus, The son of god hmmmmmmm........ not so sure. Well that's OK, I can be happy to celebrate the Birthday of some strange bloke born in Bethlehem hundreds of years ago.
So that's belief out the window.
Now the presents, you see I always thought they where supposed to be symbolic of the gifts delivered by Three Wise Men who traipsed across the desert following a star? I get the feeling these days they are more symbolic of the Deadly sin "Avarice". The need for Gifts given and received seems to far outweigh any thought of the baby Jesus or the Very long journey those kings must have made and the faith they must have had to follow a bright star, I often see bright lights in the sky but have never felt the urge to follow them on the off chance there may be some special sign being sent to me.So what made them do it?
So that's faith swiftly following beliefs swift departure.
Now Turkey,chocolates, pudding, booze, more chocolate, the list of treats we must now indulge in if we are to have Christmas is endless. How did this Gluttony find its way in? ahhhh another deadly sin! This is where maybe I start to weaken a little as I have a soft spot for all of the above.
I am starting to see the issue clearer now. We have been lured into all these extra temptations in the name of a maybe slightly confused, but very kind bloke, born in a far off land, a very long time ago.
( I would say thank God, but that would indicate that I believe which I don't think I do, so I shan't!)
Well that would be OK, i could really go for that if the Personal code didn't keep getting in my way. It makes me sad that so many people are being swept along to the party and don't really know who the birthday boy is. It just feels a bit hypocritical doesn't it? Would Jesus have wanted this? I just can't seem to reconcile this in my head, Christmas makes me feel sad and sometimes lonely. I don't like Christmas, there I have said it.
Today is new years day and i need to get this off my chest. I feel grateful that I have food on my table but guilt that we waste so much.Grateful that I have been tucked up in doors when so many are cold or homeless or both. Grateful that I have family, but miss those who I do not see as often as I would like and those i will never spend Christmas with again.I feel ashamed that I am whingeing when I have so much and so many have so little and it always feels worse at Christmas. And lastly I envy, there we go I am sure that must be another sin, all those who either believe or enjoy Christmas.
I have just read this back, what a miserable woman I sound, how did I get confused? Does anyone else feel like this?
The one thing I would like for myself in 2011 is..........? Is there a way to let myself join the party with a clear conscience? I am going to search for it before next Christmas or maybe i shall just have to celebrate something else on 25/12/2011.
PS. I am open to suggestions X
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